No, it doesn't really fit into my list of happy things. But somehow it does. Sure, it makes me cry. But it makes me smile too. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
He was my best friend. The sunshine in my life. The guy who taught me how to take life less seriously and smile stupidly at everyone. He made me laugh so much. His smile was contagious. Even if I were mad at him, he could change my mood in a minute. He knew me so well, all my weaknesses, all my moods, my expressions. I loved being a kid with him, joking around, having fun.
We got into college, met new people, matured. That one year when I was so lost in the sudden adulthood, he was there. And I can never thank him enough for being the best friend I needed. But when we started fighting a lot, I knew our time had ended. Maybe he was sent into my life for a reason. Maybe we both needed each other that time. To keep us sane, to keep us happy. We laughed, we cried, we kind of grew up together.
It was an amazing one year.
I miss my best friend. The easy talking, the comfort, the happiness.
Saying bye to him is like saying bye to my school life, my childhood, innocence. And I can't do that. They're the best memories I have and will ever have.
That's what people say. Give it time and you guys will let go of the cold barrier and be friends again. Give time and you will realise that it's a good decision to not drag things. We realised that we weren't so compatible as lovers after all and we wanted different things in life and from each other. So yes, it was a pretty mature decision to end it.
But the time between the end and the new beginning is the void that I hate.
For me, he will always be Gulli. And what we had, will always be a Gulli-Sur. Now that he has become Raghav and I have become Surbhi, it's bound to be different.
I really can never thank him enough for being there when I was so lost in the world. He helped me find myself again. I look at things lightly because of him.
I don't know if we will be friends again or not. Or if the awkwardness between us go, if we ever meet. But I do know that we will be just fine. I know us that much.
Somethings can't come back. Some mistakes can't be undone. Somethings can't be unsaid. But it all teaches you something. And because there's something good coming out of any stinky situation, it's all okay.
Walked by your house today
Hoped you’d be at the window
But you weren’t.
Couldn’t even call you up,
To say as I used to
When things used to be different.
Yes I do think about you
Yes I miss your presence
In my life now.
I’ve let go of the blame game
But let go of my best friend,
I don’t know how.
I don’t know how much time
It would take, or if ever
We will laugh together again.
I’d keep hoping that one day,
I’d see you waving back
From that window pane.
5th February, 2013